finally. . . {an explanation and photos}

My blog has been neglected for close to 4-5 months. The last month and a half was intentional.

The New Year found me incredibly beaten and breaking apart. Because of that I decided that the month of January would be a time of quietness in which I did not touch my camera or my blog. I had every intention of posting last week but again I was experiencing a breaking of my heart and I needed one more week to spend in quietness. In many ways, I am still a broken and beaten heart. But in many other ways, I am a heart completely whole.

Last fall, my world began to spin much faster than I liked for it to spin. So many things happened. I was hurt many times. A lot of changes were being experienced. Add that to the beginning of the holiday season and the spinning just got worse. Because of all the busy-ness and the craziness I lost track of God and because of that I lost track of who I am and who He is. This all reached a climax during the week between Christmas and New Years. As I said before I came home from my travels beaten and bleeding.

The last month and one half has been incredibly confusing and, if I am very honest, awful. It seemed like every time I got my feet under me, I would slip and fall right back into the mud. The more I would fall, the more my heart ached, the more confused I became, and the more helpless I felt. I think that was the point. I am nothing. HE is everything. I can do nothing on my own. It is His dwelling in me, living through me that will move me forward. I must become less and less, He must become more and more. All is God. All is His grace. EVEN the hard times.

It has been so awful. But so good. I stand on trembling legs. But that's ok, because instead of blazing ahead on my own strength, it causes me to throw my hands up, grip His fingers oh so tightly, and then take a step. I am so incredibly weak. I suppose thats what living in your own strength shows you-- I can do nothing without His strength filling me.