16

I made it through most of the day feeling strong. But the deep, deep ache has found me again. It comes at the strangest times. When I expect it, it's not there. When I least expect it, it crashes into me and I can barely stand. Sitting somewhere quiet with my thoughts, that's about all I have the strength to do. Writing out my thoughts brings healing so here I sit again, in the quiet, writing my thoughts.

Just 1 short week ago, Erin was alive. It has been one week and about 3 hours since I saw her last. So hard to believe, it almost doesn't feel real. But the ache in my chest is there to remind me that it's real. Incredibly real.

Sixteen just seems too young to die. Erin had so many things she was going to do. She was so excited about them. In one instant, every one of those plans vanished. God had a better plan for her and I know she is so so so so so happy. I know that plan was beyond her wildest dreams. Knowing that I WILL see her again--something I cling to. I can't imagine not having that. I don't know how people make it in life without the hope of Heaven or the Grace of God. . . Erin was ready for whatever God brought into her life. I hope the same can be said of me. The seriousness of life has hit me pretty hard. EVERYthing I do echoes in eternity. I spend my life here on earth either preparing for eternity with God or for eternity without God. Every decision I make will lead me to 1 of two eternities. Do I live with that in the front of my mind?! If I don't, why don't I? It's serious stuff. Life is not something to be trifled with. We aren't promised tomorrow. I know life should be far more serious to me. Erin's death has made me think. A lot. Anyway.


I keep on saying I wouldn't wish her back and I mean it. But goodness, I miss her. Right now, I would just love to hear her voice.