I haven't updated in a while. . . AGAIN. Mostly because I don't really know what to say. Things are starting to feel better again but I am still not too sure what's going on in my heart. As far as the clean up process goes, that is. I am trying to take one day at a time. While I wait for God to heal my heart and for my meds to kick in again. Yeah. . . I lasted one whole month off of my medication. Then I crashed. And the crashing wasn't pretty. Panic attacks aren't for the faint of heart. Neither is that incurable blackness and bleakness of spirit. The last two mornings I woke up feeling almost happy. Which hasn't happened in a while. Most of the time I would wake up and want to pull the covers over my head, desperately wanting to sink into the sweet oblivion called sleep. Most mornings I did just that. But you have to get up and face reality sometime. Survival mode kicked in and I couldn't wait for night time. Yesterday wasn't like that. Today doesn't feel like that.
I am grateful for :
-medication
-the patience and unconditional love of my husband
-God providing much needed money at just the right time
-that spring is coming (I am in the process of getting my flower beds ready for plants. GREAT therapy)
-only 21.5 more weeks of being pregnant!!!!! I really don't enjoy the whole growing a baby process, but they say that after the next couple weeks it will be more fun. We shall see.
-the hope of better days to come
-that when everything falls apart and I can't stand or even crawl, God in His mercy and great love picks me up and carries me
-b
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