Praise His Name

When everything falls apart 

Praise his name 
When you have a broken heart 
Raise your hands and say 
Lord, you're all I need 
You're everything to me 
And he'll take the pain away 

When it seems you're all alone 

Praise his name 
And when you feel you cant go on
Raise your hands and say 
Greater is he that is within me 
And you can praise the hurt away 
If you'll just praise his name 

-Jeff & Sherri Easter

Brielle Rylee

Hot off the presses-- She was a day and half old in these images. Such a precious new life. 

turning my eyes upon Jesus

I spent last weekend in Carbondale with Clint. There isn't a Mennonite church family there so I got stared at a lot. I look different. Usually it doesn't bother me, but it did last weekend. The being stared at isn't really what bothered me. It's the image given to me by fake Amish TV shows, the assumption that I am Amish,  and the misunderstanding of why I do what I do. I like to be understood. When people assume things about me, be it willful, or because of lack of knowledge, well, I don't like it. I don't think any of us do.  All of us like the innocent until proven guilty mindset, which interestingly enough very few people actually live out.

I guess, what really came to me over this weekend is how much I care about what people think about me/how they perceive me  and how that really boils down to pride, and pride boils down to sin.  

I want them to think well of me. I want them to look at me and understand me. I want to be loved. I want them to think I'm cool. I want their approval and acceptance.

I was really upset to discover that in myself because I have tried to conquer that so many times, I really thought I was living in victory. To discover that it's raising its' ugly head again. Well, it really upset me. It means I have once again allowed the world and its mindset into my life. I have taken my eyes off Jesus, turned them onto people and myself.  

Jesus was not well-accepted. The Pharisees thought He wasn't religious enough, other people thought He was too religious, or required too much. He said He was not of this world thus the world hated Him. Jesus promised that His followers would be hated and persecuted just like He was. 

People from His home town rejected Him, the Jews, his special people, rejected him. The Pharisees hated Him, twisted His words, plotted to kill Him. His own disciple betrayed Him for some silver.  He is God and was treated horrifically  Who am I to think I deserve any better? The early church welcomed mistreatment and hatred. They sang as they were sent to their death because they shared the suffering of their Lord. Why do I think that as a follower of Christ I should be treated better than He was? Ridiculous. 

The Gospel of Christ will look ridiculous to people who are of the world. I can expect to be hated and misunderstood when I take a stand for truth. I can expect to be stared at, thought odd, too conservative, or not conservative enough when I dress the way I feel God has asked me to dress. I will be persecuted if I follow Christ.

But I will have Christ. And that, that is worth it all.  If I keep my eyes trained on my Lord, the hatred, mistreatment, willful misunderstanding "will fade away in the light of His Glory and Grace."

one year

I can't believe it's been a year already!! At the same time I can't believe it's only been a year. It seems like Clint and I have been together for forever. It's wonderful really. The not knowing what life would be like without him. I can't imagine not living with him. It's really hard to comprehend that a little over a year ago I was living in my parents house, sleeping in my room, all alone, while he drove down the driveway and on to his parents place, where he was in his own room, all alone. It sounds awful.

I love belonging to someone. I love knowing that I never have to sleep alone anymore. I love knowing that bad dreams can't get me anymore.  I just love being his.

He is gentle, where I am harsh. He is strong, where I am weak.

He makes me giggle when I am sad. Holds me tight when I cry. Listens to my rampages and sermons. Loves me even when I am a brat.

How did I get so lucky??

I mean, I get to spend forever in the arms of my best friend!!!

so so so so so blessed. I can't even describe how wonderful marriage is!

photo credit: Amy Graber

dear Erin

Dear Erin, 

Sometimes I do ok. And then it hits me all over again. 

The deep, exhausted sleep.

The eleven o'clock phone call.. The unbelief. The asking, "What did you say??"

The darkness. Oh, the darkness. Reading about Heaven, trying to realize it all. The numbness. The "whys??" You lying there in your pretty yellow dress. Not looking at all like my Erin. You, HOME, while we place your body in the awful CO dirt. 

Erin, I miss you. 

I still can't believe it's true. Exactly a year ago, you were alive. How can it be possible that you're gone. Really gone. That I won't see you as a bride, and then as a mommy. That my dear friend with eyes and a smile that went soul deep. . . how can you be gone, Erin? 

Your moms eyes. So like your own. When they fill with that deep longing for you. . . It's about all I can do to hold myself together. I want to get angry at God for taking you when we needed you so much. 

Since you have been gone I have gained so many new and beautiful friends, but Erin I hate that you had to go away for me to find them. Why couldn't I have had both?? Oh, Erin. . . I just miss you today.

I wonder if it will ever feel really soul deep real that you are gone. I wonder if I will ever not get viciously angry over nothing and everything. I wonder if this deep ache will ever dull.. I wonder if my brain will ever be normal again. 

One of your mom's friends told her that we weren't made to deal with death. I found that so comforting. YOu know in the Garden, God's plan wasn't for us to ever die. It was perfect and happy. Sin entered, and with sin came the awful separation called death. We have death because of sin. Death wasn't God's idea. I have often felt guilty for being so sad and for not being able to 'get over it'. But that set me free in a way. It set me free to mourn for you. I know God took you for a reason and I know HE IS STILL GOOD. But I also know that separations of this kind weren't His idea. I know that HE understands how painful this is and that He doesn't expect the consequences of sin to be easy. I know He holds me when the ache is something my whole body feels. He enters in to my suffering. He doesn't take it away. But He is there with me. No matter what. He is SO GOOD to me!!! 

Erin, I don't know how people are able to cope with death outside of God. I KNOW I am going to see you again. I know and feel that God is with me on this journey of suffering. How people face these trials without God. . . Oh Erin, I don't know how they do it. 

I miss you, Erin. I miss talking with you. Hearing you talk to the customers here at the store. Your beautiful and priceless giggle. Your spunk and how you were ok with just being you. Your heart for God and for others to find Him. I miss you dear, sweet girl. I can't wait to talk about life with you in Heaven. For you to show me your favorite spots, and to hear your giggle about your fun experiences there. 

I love you, Erin. Please tell my baby cousin 'hi' for me. 

-Brit