I don't have a brain that functions properly without meds or some kind of treatment plan. I have quite a few friends with brains just like mine. I am writing this on their behalf not necessarily mine. It kills me to see how my friends are treated because of their mental illness. For some reason as soon as a disease hits your emotions/mental processes, people turn it into something spiritual not physical. The rest of our bodies can malfunction horribly and it's just because the world has been cursed. As soon as someone can hardly function, feel God, feel ANYTHING but deep deep sadness because of the disease attacking their brain, it's because they aren't spiritual enough or are rebellious or aren't trusting God enough or. . . anything along those lines. Unfortunately, our brain is not a wholly sanctified organ. It is not protected from the curse. It fails. Just like kidneys, livers, pancreas, hearts. The other sad thing is when they fail, it gets really ugly. {**disclaimer: people have started coming around on this whole thing. they are much more understanding of mental illness really being an
illness now then they were years ago. This is written to the skeptics.}
Imagine a lead weight attached to your heart, a feeling of separation from God, darkness taking over your mind, the feeling of complete and total 'aloneness', an ache so deep you can feel it in your bones, and incredible fear. ALL THE TIME. No breaks. You spend all day with those feelings. You go to sleep (if you
can sleep, that is) with it and wake up with it. If you can sleep that's all you want to do cause when you're sleeping you don't feel. If you can't sleep, you toss and turn with these thoughts and feelings. Maybe finally get a couple hours of sleep and then start all over. Honestly, it's kind of how people would say Hell is like though I am sure it's on a lighter scale. The things mentally ill people say sound HORRIBLE and often shock people who have completely healthy minds. Suicide is something we often think about and we say things like, 'I just want to die', 'I would kill myself if I didn't know it was wrong'. We can't feel anything but blackness and pain. Would you want to live if that's what your days were full of? I know with my last depression I told God to just take my baby. Something I feel incredibly ashamed/horrified about now that my brain is working again. But I was so miserable and felt like such an awful person. I just wanted to be normal again and thought maybe that would fix it. People look at our lives and are like 'what's their problem, they have beautiful kids, a good spouse, wonderful family, lovely house, etc.' and label us as being ungrateful and selfish. Let me tell you, depressed people may be blessed beyond measure but they CAN'T see that when it's so dark. Depressed people don't think they will EVER get better. Almost everyone has their down times but down times usually have a ray of hope shining through the darkness. Unfortunately, mental illness doesn't come with that ray of hope. That may sound awful coming from someone who believes in Christ, the ultimate hope of existence. But it doesn't make it any less true. While yes, there is healing for the mentally ill, they cannot feel the hope of it in their illness. It's AWFUL. Most of us can be 'healed' by medication. But I have several friends who aren't that 'lucky'. They suffer for years while trying to find just the right medication/natural remedy that works for their condition. As time goes by healthy people become less and less understanding. Sadly, some people who started out sympathetic, eventually decide that this person does not have a health issue (based on all the trial and error that goes on with meds and other remedies), nope, they have a serious spiritual problem. Their sympathy turns to judgment. Which just causes more pain (rejection) for the sufferer who is often already struggling with feeling like a terrible Christian and person. This is the treatment that breaks my heart the most. It's almost harder to bear than those who start out thinking this way because you lose even more support and because it's rejection, a giving up on you, adding to the pain and hopelessness.
Healthy minds, PLEASE, PLEASE be careful how you judge diseased minds. You have no idea how much damage you can do, how much added pain you can cause to those who suffer this way. I know what it's like to slowly emerge from depression. To look back on your depression and see how God was there even when you were so upset with Him you weren't even sure He existed. To remember the things you thought and did, all the horrible ugliness, and see that you were wrong. To finally be able to take little steps forward in your relationship with God. Just like being super 'spiritual and christian' (not that much stock should be put in that anyway) can't heal your kidneys, it can't heal your brain.
Oh, dear people, you have no idea. No idea. I try to remember that you simply don't understand but I so want you to understand. There are so many hurting people. So many ill around us. Don't give up on them. Don't label them as something less holy than you. Please remember that Jesus came to heal the
sick. Please remember He has called you to show mercy and love to those suffering from serious mental illness (any illness really). Mentally ill people don't like themselves very much. They feel like such a burden. Like they terrible, horrible people. They know they're ugly in this state. Your horrible labels don't help. Those labels just drive them deeper into themselves, even further from the light. Cause them even more pain. They need your support!! Your unconditional love!! Your hugs and prayers!! They need you wrap yourself around them. To be Jesus to them even though they can't feel it at the time. They need you be there even when it's so dark and ugly. Even if you don't know how to help or what to say, just being there to support them is a blessing. They need your presence as much as your notes of encouragement. They need you to be grateful that your brain is working and well,
not judgmental that theirs is not.
{To those of you who have been supportive and compassionate to the mentally ill. I want to say Thank You. From the bottom of my heart. Your love has saved so many. Your support has bolstered up the dying. I don't know what would have happened had I not had a beautiful support group around me during my ugly, extremely dark times. I am so grateful. I am also so grateful when I see others reaching out to my fellow sufferers of mental illness letting them know that they don't have to walk alone. May God bless you richly.}
